“To
burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we
can bring on ourselves.” ― Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and
Yerma
This is one of the reasons, I am writing this post.
It was my Final year of school when I saw her 1st time. My Maths teacher was busy scolding me for my poor performance in class, and she was trying to fetch more marks from him. The very next moment, I saw her last name and asked "tum xyz aunty ki beti ho?" nd She gave me a sharp look with attitude and said “Yes!!”. I considered it as a usual meet until this happened - One day I was passing by her class room when she sent one of her friend to ask my name and class.
I used to travel back home on my red bicycle and she had a girly bicycle. Few days later, I noticed her using the same path as mine. We started talking while going back home. There was a sector-3 turn in my society, where we talked for 1-2 hours after school in the hot weather of North India, and I used to drink water from her water bottle. Soon we became good friends and exchanged our numbers. I started liking her but since I never ever proposed a girl before, it was tough for me. I did not even know, if it was love or just infatuation, but I could talk to her for hours. For us, it was just a good friendship but my friends started teasing me with her name.
One day, I was sitting in my class and she came to make some announcement then everyone started shouting my name, she blushed like a tomato and ran away. Wow !! What a sweet smile she gave !!
We started having night sms chats like love birds but it was actually normal chit-chat. The funniest part was that I usually slept while chatting with her and on the next day she used to scold me like " Aap kal fir so gaye the? " and in my defence, i used to make a stupid excuse ki " Yaar network chalaa gaya tha. "
Few days later, I came to know that she is in a relationship with some guy. I felt heartbroke and since I didn’t want to affect their relationship, I started avoiding her. One night she called me around 11:00 pm and started crying without saying anything, somehow I controlled her tears and met her the following day, her eyes were red, just like mine and she asked me, " Aapki eyes red kyun hain ? " I had no reply for her and I realised that I love her but at the same point I didn't want to cause her breakup. I tried my best but ultimately her relationship ended with that guy. That moment I decided, I will never propose her but will try to be with her whenever needed. As the time played its natural course, our friendship deepened..
One day, I gave her some songs in my pen drive and while returning it, she said "Isme ek file hai, padh lena". I was shocked after reading it, she wrote in it about her feelings towards me and also mentioned that we can't get in a relationship. After asking her numerous times, she replied it’s because she knows that I am already in a relationship(which wasn’t true). I felt pretty bad because all this happened because I never told her the truth. The best way I found to ensure her was by asking my friend to talk to her. My friend was sweet enough to agree for this without asking anything. Finally, she was convinced.
We regained our old friendship with more colours and we were so into each other that we did not even realised when did our board exams approached. But we motivated each other during that phase too instead of ruining each other’s career.
It was my first board exam on 2nd March 2009, since I was not a very bright student and passing the exam was always my motive, but it went quite good. After returning back home, I saw my phone, there was an unread text from her waiting to be read. I checked it and it said " Kaisa hua ? " I was so happy to see that message and in that happiness I could not control myself into proposing her. I was so dumb, it was a 100% informal proposal a guy could ever make! It was - "Agar main tumhara bf hota toh kaisa lagta?" and she blushed like anything and replied " Accha lagta ". On the very next moment, I said - "I love you" to her. It was the first time I said this to any girl and she blushed like anything. She neither said yes nor a no and simply hanged up the phone. Few mins later, I got a reply - "I love you too". It was one of the best messages I have ever read. On one fine day of our board exams, we decided to walk to school but I was so stupid, I forgot my admit card, she was so caring, She reminded me about it halfway and I had to ran back home...O'god ! I missed the chance of having a long walk with her..
After
the exams, our meetings became often , we used to go to shopping
center, it was nothing special, just a walk together. We never bought
anything from there. Everyone used to look at us and our batchmates
envied us. We used to walk together during the evening time, long sms
chats and phone calls and the first time I hold her hand, my hands were
chilly and I was so nervous – this was something that never happened
with me. Everything was like a fairy tale.
Everything was so good, ‘till I got admission in a college in a different city. She was heartbroken but I ensured her that I will always be in touch with her. And after coming to college, we used to talk for hours until I went to second year. I got stuck in some project and other activities due to which our callings reduced significantly. Everything started fading away because of me. She used to call me time and again and since I was stuck up in work, we could barely talk for a few mins. I was focusing more on my career that time. The only thing I have missed, time for her..
The things started turning worst day by day, I still feel ashamed for not being with her when she was in her first year of hostel, away from home and needed me the most. When I needed, she was always there to help me, care for me and the sweetest part was - praying for me.
Slowly the daily calls were transformed into calls after 2-3 days. And after sometime, she found a new guy in her college who was better than me. I was not ready to accept it, and I abused him like anything. This was one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life. I apologised to them, which I never did to anyone. But she still finds me the boy with same attitude. After all this, we have met thrice and out of which, we have talked only once that too a very formal chat. I even tried calling her 1000 times on her birthday, but she did not picked up. Lastly when i prank called, she picked up. The only intention of calling her was wishing and apologise for everything, I could do nothing more or maybe I could!!
I have no intentions about ruining her present or future, I just wanted to share how I feel now and how sorry I am for everything I have done. I don't expect you to come back. Life is about moving on.
I use this to create a new blog, because she considered my blogs as her " Sautan " and when we meet personally, our pride and attitude didn’t let us say everything which we should have said. When we were in a relationship, I used to send her fwds or googled messages, but today, for the first time, I am writing such a article. So, I may not be very good with words and sentences but this time I am not lying.
I wish she could read this post one day and make a call to me, say for only 10 mins so that I could apologise for everything, that is all i want. And after that, I will move out of her life forever but she would always be the Heart of the Temple of my thoughts..
A story has no end without a love song, so here it is -
This is one of the reasons, I am writing this post.
It was my Final year of school when I saw her 1st time. My Maths teacher was busy scolding me for my poor performance in class, and she was trying to fetch more marks from him. The very next moment, I saw her last name and asked "tum xyz aunty ki beti ho?" nd She gave me a sharp look with attitude and said “Yes!!”. I considered it as a usual meet until this happened - One day I was passing by her class room when she sent one of her friend to ask my name and class.
I used to travel back home on my red bicycle and she had a girly bicycle. Few days later, I noticed her using the same path as mine. We started talking while going back home. There was a sector-3 turn in my society, where we talked for 1-2 hours after school in the hot weather of North India, and I used to drink water from her water bottle. Soon we became good friends and exchanged our numbers. I started liking her but since I never ever proposed a girl before, it was tough for me. I did not even know, if it was love or just infatuation, but I could talk to her for hours. For us, it was just a good friendship but my friends started teasing me with her name.
One day, I was sitting in my class and she came to make some announcement then everyone started shouting my name, she blushed like a tomato and ran away. Wow !! What a sweet smile she gave !!
We started having night sms chats like love birds but it was actually normal chit-chat. The funniest part was that I usually slept while chatting with her and on the next day she used to scold me like " Aap kal fir so gaye the? " and in my defence, i used to make a stupid excuse ki " Yaar network chalaa gaya tha. "
Few days later, I came to know that she is in a relationship with some guy. I felt heartbroke and since I didn’t want to affect their relationship, I started avoiding her. One night she called me around 11:00 pm and started crying without saying anything, somehow I controlled her tears and met her the following day, her eyes were red, just like mine and she asked me, " Aapki eyes red kyun hain ? " I had no reply for her and I realised that I love her but at the same point I didn't want to cause her breakup. I tried my best but ultimately her relationship ended with that guy. That moment I decided, I will never propose her but will try to be with her whenever needed. As the time played its natural course, our friendship deepened..
One day, I gave her some songs in my pen drive and while returning it, she said "Isme ek file hai, padh lena". I was shocked after reading it, she wrote in it about her feelings towards me and also mentioned that we can't get in a relationship. After asking her numerous times, she replied it’s because she knows that I am already in a relationship(which wasn’t true). I felt pretty bad because all this happened because I never told her the truth. The best way I found to ensure her was by asking my friend to talk to her. My friend was sweet enough to agree for this without asking anything. Finally, she was convinced.
We regained our old friendship with more colours and we were so into each other that we did not even realised when did our board exams approached. But we motivated each other during that phase too instead of ruining each other’s career.
It was my first board exam on 2nd March 2009, since I was not a very bright student and passing the exam was always my motive, but it went quite good. After returning back home, I saw my phone, there was an unread text from her waiting to be read. I checked it and it said " Kaisa hua ? " I was so happy to see that message and in that happiness I could not control myself into proposing her. I was so dumb, it was a 100% informal proposal a guy could ever make! It was - "Agar main tumhara bf hota toh kaisa lagta?" and she blushed like anything and replied " Accha lagta ". On the very next moment, I said - "I love you" to her. It was the first time I said this to any girl and she blushed like anything. She neither said yes nor a no and simply hanged up the phone. Few mins later, I got a reply - "I love you too". It was one of the best messages I have ever read. On one fine day of our board exams, we decided to walk to school but I was so stupid, I forgot my admit card, she was so caring, She reminded me about it halfway and I had to ran back home...O'god ! I missed the chance of having a long walk with her..
Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinin'
Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin'
She's so beautiful
And I tell her everyday
Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me
And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see
But every time she asks me do I look okay?
I say
When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for awhile
'Cause girl, you're amazing
Just the way you are
Everything was so good, ‘till I got admission in a college in a different city. She was heartbroken but I ensured her that I will always be in touch with her. And after coming to college, we used to talk for hours until I went to second year. I got stuck in some project and other activities due to which our callings reduced significantly. Everything started fading away because of me. She used to call me time and again and since I was stuck up in work, we could barely talk for a few mins. I was focusing more on my career that time. The only thing I have missed, time for her..
The things started turning worst day by day, I still feel ashamed for not being with her when she was in her first year of hostel, away from home and needed me the most. When I needed, she was always there to help me, care for me and the sweetest part was - praying for me.
Slowly the daily calls were transformed into calls after 2-3 days. And after sometime, she found a new guy in her college who was better than me. I was not ready to accept it, and I abused him like anything. This was one of the biggest mistakes I made in my life. I apologised to them, which I never did to anyone. But she still finds me the boy with same attitude. After all this, we have met thrice and out of which, we have talked only once that too a very formal chat. I even tried calling her 1000 times on her birthday, but she did not picked up. Lastly when i prank called, she picked up. The only intention of calling her was wishing and apologise for everything, I could do nothing more or maybe I could!!
I have no intentions about ruining her present or future, I just wanted to share how I feel now and how sorry I am for everything I have done. I don't expect you to come back. Life is about moving on.
I use this to create a new blog, because she considered my blogs as her " Sautan " and when we meet personally, our pride and attitude didn’t let us say everything which we should have said. When we were in a relationship, I used to send her fwds or googled messages, but today, for the first time, I am writing such a article. So, I may not be very good with words and sentences but this time I am not lying.
I wish she could read this post one day and make a call to me, say for only 10 mins so that I could apologise for everything, that is all i want. And after that, I will move out of her life forever but she would always be the Heart of the Temple of my thoughts..
A story has no end without a love song, so here it is -
